How I learned to really feel my emotions.
TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE
I’m in a group where the host shares journaling prompts.
“August 27th Journaling Prompt
What’s my plan for rest before my next busy season? You can share tips and tricks here and/or write in your private journal <3″
I just started typing…it became a lot…like a full blog post of info just came pouring out.
Here’s what I wrote:
I don’t want a busy season. I want to start practicing rest every day. I want to learn to pace myself. This isn’t a fucking race. There is no finish line. I don’t need to push myself.
I went through a HUGE forced rest this summer. I was “running” for the first half of the year. Doing all the things. Telling myself I had to meet imaginary deadlines.
July 2 my son-in-law committed suicide. My brain shut down with the grief. I couldn’t run anything. Not my business, not my home, not anything. I tried to run away from it. Spent 10 days on vacation with just my husband. It was just avoidance.
I had to learn to sit with my emotions. And while I was sitting with the emotions of grief, emotions from my past flooded in too. My body started releasing the trauma of my past through full body tremors.
HOLY HELL!!! It is not worth it to stuff those emotions and then have to let them out all at once later. Okay, it probably wasn’t all of it, but it was a lot, and I’ve learned that I can control when I allow them to release now.
And what feels really uncomfortable about all of this is that I teach it, but I didn’t truly understand what it meant to feel your emotions in your body. Now I get it. Now I will be able to really teach it.
Hey, look, I just wrote a blog post. Ha!
I’m gonna go copy and paste this on my blog!
Thanks for the prompt!
It’s been almost 2 months since he died and I am doing better, most days. I expect I’ll continue feeling grief for a long time. That’s what grief does. There’s a hole in my life that will never be filled again. Grief means that I loved him and I miss him.
If you, or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please know you can reach out to me.
Or call 988 for the suicide hotline. There is help available.
In Reclaim Your Power: Realignment for Real Life, we deal with the tough emotions. Most of us in the program have lost someone important to us and we help each other through the grief. If you want to know more about what we do, come to the next Reclaim Your Voice Workshop, it’s free and it is the starting place to begin your journey back to your authentic self.
Jess
